40 Questions for Couples Doing a Devotional Together (That Aren't in the Book)

Most couples devotional books give you fill-in-the-blank prompts that feel more like homework than conversation. These 40 questions are designed to fill the gap — organized by theme (early marriage, long-haul seasons, struggle, fun and light, and deep theological territory), they're meant to sit alongside whatever devotional you're already using and turn a 15-minute routine into a conversation you actually remember.

Why Devotional Books Often Miss the Mark

I need to say something that might be unpopular in Christian circles: most couples devotionals are boring.

Not theologically. Structurally. They hand you a passage, a three-paragraph reflection written for the broadest possible audience, and then a question like "How can you apply this to your marriage this week?" You both nod. Someone says something vaguely spiritual. And then you close the book and turn on a show.

It's not that the content is bad. It's that the questions don't go anywhere unexpected. They don't make you squirm in the good way. They don't surface the stuff that's actually sitting between you and your spouse at 9:47 on a Tuesday night.

The National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia found that couples who engage in regular spiritual practices together report 31% higher marital satisfaction. Thirty-one percent. That's not a rounding error. But here's the catch — "engage" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence. There's a difference between reading a devotional side by side and actually talking about the hard, weird, funny, sacred things that make your marriage yours.

These questions are for the second version. The talking kind.

How to Use These Questions

Don't try to plow through all 40. That would be exhausting and vaguely clinical.

Pick one or two per sitting. Use them after your normal devotional reading, or skip the book entirely and just go with a question and a cup of coffee. Some of these will take five minutes. Others might open a conversation that lasts the rest of the evening. Both are fine.

A few ground rules that help:

• No fixing. Just listening. If your spouse shares something vulnerable, the response is not a solution. It's "tell me more."
• Take turns going first. Whoever always goes second learns to edit based on what the other person said.
• It's okay to say "I don't know yet" and come back to it later.
• Laugh when things get awkward. They will.

Section 1: Early Marriage (Years 1–5)

These first years are weird. You're building patterns from scratch while also discovering that your spouse has opinions about how to load a dishwasher that border on theology. The questions below are for couples still learning each other's internal landscape.

1. What's one thing about married life that surprised you — not in a bad way, just in a "nobody warned me about this" way?

2. When you pray for our marriage, what do you actually ask for? Be specific.

3. Is there a habit from your family growing up that you've noticed showing up in how we do life together?

4. What's a conversation we haven't had yet that you think we probably should?

5. How do you want me to respond when you're stressed — with solutions, with space, or with presence?

6. If our marriage had a mission statement right now, what would it be? (Honest version, not the Instagram version.)

7. What's one thing about your faith that changed after we got married?

8. When do you feel most spiritually connected to me? And when do you feel most distant?

Section 2: Long-Haul Marriage (Year 6 and Beyond)

You know each other now. Maybe too well. The danger in long marriages isn't conflict. It's autopilot. These questions are designed to surface things that familiarity tends to bury.

A Pew Research study from 2023 found that among married adults who attend religious services together, 73% say they share household responsibilities well. But "well" and "openly discussed" are different things. Some of these questions might expose gaps you've been politely stepping around for years.

9. What's something you used to dream about for us that quietly fell off the list?

10. Is there an area of our life where you feel like you're carrying more than your share — spiritually, emotionally, or practically?

11. What season of our marriage would you want to relive for a week? What made it good?

12. How has your understanding of God shifted since we first got together? Do I know about that shift?

13. If we could change one thing about our weekly rhythm, what would you pick?

14. What's a question I haven't asked you in a long time that I used to ask when we were dating?

15. When was the last time you felt genuinely proud of us? Not the kids. Not work. Us.

16. Is there a part of your faith life you keep mostly private from me? Why?

Section 3: Seasons of Struggle

Every marriage hits them. Financial strain. Loss. The fog of early parenting where you can't remember the last real conversation that wasn't about logistics. These questions aren't therapy. But they're the kind of thing a good therapist would want you asking each other.

And honestly? Most couples wait too long to talk about the hard stuff. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that couples who discussed difficult emotions together at least once a week were 47% less likely to describe their marriage as "strained" over a five-year period. Once a week. That's one honest conversation every seven days.

17. What are you most afraid of right now? Not in a global sense. In our life, specifically.

18. Do you feel like I see you clearly in this season, or do you feel misread?

19. When things get hard, do you tend to move toward me, away from me, or just freeze? What do you wish I'd do?

20. What scripture or truth are you holding onto right now — even loosely?

21. Is there something I said or did recently that hurt you that we haven't talked about?

22. What would it look like for me to fight for you better in this season? Be concrete.

23. If you could ask God one question about what we're going through, what would it be?

24. What's one small thing that would make this week feel more manageable for you?

Side note: if these questions feel heavy, that's on purpose. You don't build a strong marriage by only talking about vacation plans and what's for dinner. But you also don't have to tackle the heaviest ones first. Start where it feels safe and let it build. That's how trust actually works.

Section 4: Fun and Light

Not every devotional conversation needs to feel like a counseling session. Sometimes the most connecting thing you can do is laugh together and remember that this person you married is also just... a person. With weird takes and strange memories and opinions about pizza toppings that reveal deep character flaws.

We wrote a whole piece on Christian date night ideas that don't involve a devotional book, and the response was overwhelming. People are hungry for permission to just have fun inside their faith. These questions lean that direction.

25. What's a prayer God clearly said "no" to that you're now grateful for?

26. If we had to pick one worship song to be "our song," what would you choose and why?

27. What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you in a church service? Full details.

28. If you could have dinner with any person from the Bible — besides Jesus — who would you pick?

29. What's a spiritual practice you've always been curious about but never tried? (Fasting, lectio divina, prayer walks, liturgical hours, etc.)

30. If someone made a documentary about our marriage and faith, what would the title be?

31. What's the funniest or most random thing you've ever prayed for? Be honest.

32. Which of us would survive better as a missionary in a foreign country, and why?

Section 5: Deep Theological Territory

These aren't seminary exam questions. They're the kind of things that most couples think about individually but rarely talk about together. And that gap matters more than you'd expect.

According to Barna Group (2024), 44% of practicing Christians say they rarely or never discuss theology with their spouse. Nearly half. We'll discuss what to have for dinner 4,000 times a year, but the questions about suffering, eternity, and what we actually believe about God? Those stay internal.

Which brings us to this section. Go slow with these. Some might take multiple conversations to fully explore. That's not a failure — that's the whole point.

33. How do you personally reconcile suffering with the idea of a good God? Has your answer changed over the years?

34. What do you think happens in the first five minutes after we die? What do you hope happens?

35. Is there a doctrine or teaching you were raised with that you've quietly moved away from?

36. Do you think our kids (or future kids) will believe what we believe? Does that scare you?

37. What's a part of God's character that you struggle to trust — not intellectually, but in your gut?

38. If you had to explain the gospel in one sentence to someone who'd never heard it, what would you say right now? Not the rehearsed version. Your version, today.

39. What's a question about faith you're currently sitting in that doesn't have a clean answer?

40. If we could build one spiritual practice into our marriage that we'd do for the rest of our lives, what would you want it to be?

A Note on What Happens After the Questions

The point of these 40 questions isn't to check them off a list. It's to build a muscle. The muscle of turning toward each other with something real instead of defaulting to the surface stuff that fills most evenings.

LifeWay Research found that couples who pray together at least once a week are 40% more likely to describe their marriage as "very happy" compared to couples who never do. But what counts as "praying together" varies wildly. For some couples, it's structured evening prayer. For others, it's a two-sentence prayer before bed. For others still, it's a conversation so honest that it bleeds into prayer without either person officially bowing their head.

All of those count.

If you're looking for more questions in this vein, we put together a list of 25 questions every Christian couple should ask that pairs well with this one. And if you want a physical tool you can pick up on date night without any prep, Not Just Sundays was built for exactly that — 165+ conversation cards that move from light to deep in a way that feels natural, not forced.

But whatever you use — a book, these questions, a card game, or just two cups of coffee and a willingness to go there — the thing that matters is that you keep showing up. Not perfectly. Just honestly.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can we use these questions even if we're not doing a devotional?

Absolutely. These questions work on their own over coffee, during a long drive, or as part of a weekly check-in. You don't need a devotional book to have a meaningful spiritual conversation with your spouse. The questions are the entry point — the book is optional.

What if one of us is more spiritually open than the other?

Start with Section 4 (fun and light). Those questions are low-pressure and tend to build safety. Once you've both gotten comfortable sharing, you can work toward the deeper sections. Forcing the heavy stuff too early usually backfires. Let trust set the pace.

How often should couples do a devotional together?

Research from LifeWay suggests that even once per week creates measurable differences in marital satisfaction. Daily is great if it works for your schedule. But a consistent weekly rhythm beats an ambitious daily plan that falls apart after two weeks. Pick a frequency you'll actually maintain.

Are these questions appropriate for dating couples or just married ones?

Most of them work for both. The early marriage section maps well to serious dating relationships. The long-haul and struggle sections are more marriage-specific, but dating couples in committed relationships will still find them valuable. Use your judgment — skip any that feel premature for where you are.

What's the best time of day for couples to do a devotional?

Whatever time you'll actually do it. Mornings work for early risers. After kids go to bed works for parents. The research on consistency matters more than the specific hour. The Barna Group's data on spiritual habits consistently shows that the "when" is less predictive of success than the "whether." Pick a time, protect it, and adjust when life shifts.